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Ditzy Lebowitz |
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Meet Ditzy Lebowitz, a rather rotund calico kitty whose considerable charm and charimsa are exceeded only by her fondness for Meow Mix! This engaging kitty has attracted quite a following on the world wide web, thanks to her popular website, "Ditzy Lebowitz - Sumo Kitty", which has launched her into the heady world of feline cyber-celebrity! Let's let Ditzy tell you her story, in her own inimitable style... Well it happened like this... I was born in a trunk in the Princess Theatre in Pocatello Idaho. No - that's "A Star is Born"! Hmm.. I was born. Nope - that's David Copperfield! It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Oops - I think I lifted that from "A Tale of Two Cities". Sorry. Can I help it if I am well-read? I'll try again! Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a cat of wealth and taste. I've been around for a long, long time.. Uh-oh - Sounds like Mick Jagger! How about this? I was up for adoption at the home of a cat rescuer. My parentage was unknown. Perhaps my father was a calico cat on shore leave, who paid a visit to my mother, who was a bit of a "round heels"! Or maybe not.. In any event, I found myself up for adoption, and residing with a kindly gentleman who gave me shelter until I could find some sucker to take me home with her. My wait was not long. One day, an agreeable woman named Ruth, showed up at our doorstep, asking to see me. She had responded to the rescuer's ad in the paper. I rapidly evaluated her, and knew that she would be mere putty in my paws. One look at me, and she was smitten. How could she not be? I am not an ill-favoured kitty. If truth be told, I am absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, and modest, too! Modesty is one of my finest attributes, as I am sure you will readily agree. I looked her right in the eyes, purred like a feline outboard motor, and then led her on a merry chase around the room. Ruth was toast! Guess who went home right away in a varikennel? Yes, yours truly, Ditzy Lebowitz, found herself chocks away" headed to her new home and new life with Ruth at Chez Lebowitz! Guess what - That was four years ago and I am still here! Must have been my charisma, comely appearance, and my perfection of that technique, known as "The Silent Miaow", which I used quite effectively, if I must say so myself, and I must! Back to my story.. As soon as I arrived at Chez Lebowitz, I made the acquaintance of those kitties already in residence at Ruth's humble, but congenial, abode. There was a maternal tabbie cat named Alison, a handsome orange tabby named Milo, and a sweet and petite tuxedo kitty, named Otie. Before long, I had them wrapped around my little paw, and I happily adjusted to my new home and my new friends. Right away, I establshed my role as the "ringleader" in all sorts of feline fun and games. Alison took me under her maternal wing. Milo became my close friend and wrestling partner, and Otie enjoyed chasing me around the room. I became one of her favorite playthings - she loved me almost as much as her furry mice, which is saying a lot. One fine day, our human, Ruth decided to try her hand at writing for the internet. She started with my homepage at the Purina Cat Chow website. My World Wide Kitty Page became a great hit, and thus emboldened, she created my website, "Purr-fection"!!! That humble site launched Ruth's career as a chronicler of my adventures, and was soon followed by "Ditzy Lebowitz - Sumokitty"! Well, that was our big break. "Sumokitty" was very well-received, and I found myself on the brink of feline cyber-celebrity. Before long, I became quite adept at shameless self-promotion. I logged on to Ruth's iMac every morning, while she was still in the arms of Morpheus, and began my campaign in earnest. I became well-known at such classy venues as Webbie World, Soprano Connections, and I-Love-Cats. Soon I was receiving lots of fan-mail, and had my own posse, accompanying me when I made my forays into the best spots in cyberspace. These days, Ruth handles the scut-work. She shamelessly promotes my websites, answers the mail, screens my calls, and is basically the stage-mother, who is the pivotal player in the star-making machinery behind my feline cyber-celebrity. She doesn't mind her behind-the-scenes role in my master plan of domination of the internet. After all, she should be grateful I allow her to coexist in cyberspace with me, since I graciously permitted her to write her own website "Calicocatgirl"! Wasn't that magnanimous of me? My future looks like a bright one. I am working on a screenplay for "Ditzy Lebowitz - The Movie". I am reading scripts for a biopic and a mini-series, which no doubt, will win the highest ratings in the history of television. I fly to El-Lay and take meetings with movie moguls. David Geffen has my unlisted number on his speed-dial. I always attend the Oscar parties, and last year outshone Gwyneth Paltrow with my feline radiance and my gown, designed by Vera Wang. Has success spoiled Ditzy Lebowitz? Obviously not - since I am the same amiable calico kitty who stepped out of that varikennel into Ruth's living-room at Chez Lebowitz. Not a bad life for an adopted kitty of unknown parentage - if you ask me.....
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