Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a woman of wealth and taste...
If truth be told, my state is a penurious one, though my taste is impeccable, or so I've been told.
I just wanted to grab your attention, so I could capture your hearts and minds. If you are still reading, than this ruse has had the desired effect.
Would you like to hear my story? Has your curiosity been piqued? Then please do get comfy in your favourite easy chair, settle down with a nice cup of tea, and let me tell you all about my life and times.
One fine day, a relatively normal woman named Ruth Lebowitz found herself unceremoniously booted out of her home of many years. Let's call it the "ancestral manse". Having to beat a hasty retreat, she found herself exiled to a one-bedroom apartment on the wrong side of the tracks. The separation was an acrimonious one which made "The War of the Roses" look like "Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm"! To add insult to injury, she lost custody of her beloved dog, and found herself exiled to a buidling with a "dogs verboten" policy. This was like Siberia to Ruth, unaccustomed to her new dogless state. What to do? While it was true that the building did allow cats, our heroine did not consider that option, since she had always considered herself a "dog person". In her unenlightened state, she had divided the pet-loving population into two categories - "dog-people" and "cat-people", and never the twain would meet.
She associated cat-owners with those eccentric cat-ladies portrayed in cartoons in The New Yorker. You know, those deranged looking women with a motley multitude of mangy felines, who looked as deranged as their owners. No, cats were definitely not an option.
Well, after a great deal of resistance, Ruth gave in to the entreaties of well-meaning friends and decided to adopt a kitty. In her bereft, petless state, she visited the office of a benevolent veterinarian, who provided temporary shelter for many homeless kitties.
Ruth was introduced to a lovely tiger-striped tabbie named Alison, looked into her beautiful green eyes, and fell head-over-heels in love with this sweet feline. Alison longed for a good home, as much as Ruth pined for the companionship of a pet. So Alison and our heroine went off in a taxi to her humble abode, Chez Lebowitz.
Once Alison had happily settled in at her new digs, the shabby apartment took on a warm ambience, and it was now a home in the truest sense of the word.
Alison realized that there was a great deal to teach this human, who had heretofore absolutely no experience whatsoever with felines.
She began her tutelage immediately, and our intrepid heroine proved an apt pupil. She learned the body language of cats, and soon came to know when Alison wanted to be fed and petted.
Alison was an expert at "The Silent Miaow", a means of feline communication, which enables a human to read everything in a cat's eyes, without a single syllable being uttered. Ruth soon learned that when a feline kneads your abdomen and purrs, then she is recreating those warm and secure feelings she had when she was nursing with her feline mother. Alison's tutelage was a great success, and much to her surprise, our heroine found herself ready to introduce another kitty into their happy home.
Meanwhile, back at the domicile of the kindly vet, two adorable kitties, a brother and sister, were waiting for a human to adopt them, preferably together, since they were very close. Their wait was not long. Ruth met both of them, and being a Libra, and an especially indecisive one at that, she ended up taking both kitties home with her. She named them Milo and Otie, and introduced them to Alison, who took them under her maternal wing.
Emboldened by the great success of integrating two more kitties into her household, our heroine adopted yet another kitty, an adorable calico kitty, whom she named Ditzy. It soon became quite apparent that Ditzy more than lived up to her name. She ate like a trencherman, and soon became quite a zaftig kitty. Milo and Otie fell in love with Ditzy, as did Alison, and Chez Lebowitz soon became dubbed "The Peaceable Kingdom", after the painting by primitive artist, Edward Hicks. Their menage was still shabby, but in the eyes of the feline residents and their human, Ruth it was as beautiful as the "Enchanted Cottage", which by the way, is one of our heroine's favorite movies, because it is so romantic. I guess you have gathered my now, that for good or bad, our heroine has a heart of mush.
There was no doubt who was to rule in that household, and it certainly wasn't she!
Since she loved to write, Ruth decided to write some stories for the internet, and submitted some World Wide Kitty Pages for the Purina Cat Chow website. These pages were well-received, so thus emboldened, Ruth went on to create her first website, devoted to her calico kitty, Ditzy. Before long, Alison, Milo, and Otie also had their own websites, and started to attract quite a cult following on the world wide web. The fan-mail started pouring in, their sites were entered in various competitions, and they became feline cyber-celebrities, who were taking the world wide web by storm!
As their fame grew, so did their ambitions and demands.
Ruth soon found herself shamelessly promoting their websites, answering their fan-mail, and editing their websites, which was quite a job indeed. What had started out as one modest website, mushroomed into a veritable "feline website cottage industry"!
Gone were the carefree days when she could pursue her own interests, and write about whatever she chose.
Yes, our heroine found herself insidiously transformed into "Ruth Lebowitz - Calicocatgirl", whose
every waking moments were devoted to Milo, Ditzy, Alison and Otie.
When she wasn't working on their sites, she was busy filling grocery carts with giant sacks of kitty litter to be dragged up four flights of stairs in her walk-up.
Their were interminable bowls which needed to be refilled with Meow Mix. Her apartment soon resembled those caricatured so mercilessly in those New Yorker cartoons. One of the poet laureates of our times, Mel Brooks once said, "We mock the things we are to be".
Yes, Ruth had become a bona-fide "cat-lady", but much to her shock and amazement, she did not mind it a bit!
In fact, she thrived on her new and unexpected position in life.
I guess it will come to no surprise to you, dear reader, when I disclose that I am the heroine of this story. My days are busy and full. I continue to write and edit their websites. Recently, Milo, Ditzy and Otie have written their own stories, sites, which they claim are far superior to anything I have done on their behalf. But I just smile and promote their sites as well. After all, I am not only their abject slave and publicist, but their human mother, as well.
Listen, there are far worse fates than becoming a "cat-lady". Just take it from me!